Finding your tribe: A guide for Americans building a life in Spain

New life, new friends

Find a local bar, choose your coffee go-to, get on apps, become a club member, throw a dinner party, or just chat to the stranger at the table next to you.

There’s something daunting about leaving your friends behind to move abroad; I moved to Spain on my own and strangers still ask if I’m lonely (with lots of emphasis on me being single). I’m not lonely; compared to the States, I found it easy to establish relationships in Spain and made most of my friends in bars, coffee shops, and terraces.

“Just talk to people,” says Reem, a Sudanese American who moved to Barcelona from Minnesota. I met my community here, she told me, gesturing around Xiloteca Coffee, where an international crowd lingers, despite the botiga not having tables.

If chatting up strangers in cafes isn’t your thing, you can find more organised ways to connect. Gerard, an Argentinian-American, moved to Madrid with two small daughters and had the best luck enrolling in Tennis classes. “It’s a pretty small club and you get to know the other members,” he told me. Tess, an American woman living in Valencia had the best luck with Internations, which helped her to meet other internationals.

Moving to a new country isn’t easy, but when you’re a foreigner you join this sort of club — you’re all away from home and it’s really possible to find a family here in Spain.

Spaniards are active and sporty, which means that taking part can be an easy way for Americans to break the ice and get to know people in Spain. Photo: J Schiemann/Unsplash

You want to meet locals, you say?

Learn the language, choose local spots over flashy touristy ones, be patient, extend an invitation.

While you’ll likely have an easier time meeting other foreigners than locals, a few things will help you meet Spanish friends. First, learn the language; a little goes a long way. I learned most of my Spanish by speaking with locals at Bar Petit, a small neighbourhood spot, that I chose over splashier cafés with a touristic crowd.

When she moved to Granada after a year of struggling to meet locals in Córdoba, Kathryn Kuypers was determined to integrate. “I used the apps Meetup, Bumble, and Tandem to meet locals. I met up with a lot of Spaniards via these apps, but only became friends with a couple of them,” she explained. One of the friends she met on Tandem became her current partner.

Another great way to meet locals is to throw a dinner party for your neighbours and if you’re invited to someone’s home, be aware of cultural differences. I spent months bringing fancy desserts to my neighbour’s home; the day I offered to dress the salad is the day I became one of them.

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'Little America'

Join a club, attend events, choose a school.

I’ll be honest, the first year I lived in Spain, I had no interest in anything American (including my fellow nationals). With time, that changed and the handful of American friends I have are an important piece of my life here; sometimes you just want to speak with someone who has a similar background.

If you’re looking to keep a network of Americans around you (and to do some networking), you can check out any of the many international clubs active in cities throughout Spain. The American Society of Barcelona, the American Club of Madrid, or the American Club of Costa del Sol, to name a few.

With the expansion of remote work, American entrepreneurs have been settling in different areas of Spain.

Randall Purcell, Director of the carbon sequestration company Seafields, found his scene on the north shore of Ibiza. “The American community in Ibiza is really tuned in. I'm impressed by the small community of fellow entrepreneurs I've met here and attracted by communities built around environment and sustainability. It's a lifestyle led by the belief that we can really do something; you can feel the excitement,” he says.

Another way to meet other Americans is through international language exchanges. If you’re moving to Spain with children and want them to have a community from “back home”, you might consider enrolling them in an American School.

Spaniards are very social and tend to meet outdoors with friends, so when in Rome (or Madrid)... (Photo by Gabriel BOUYS / AFP)

 

Keeping hobbies and finding new ones

Follow your passions, join a club, search your crew on Meetup, get outside your comfort zone.

Finding a community isn’t just about friends; it’s also about those activities that make you feel like you.

James Coleman is an American musician and has lived all over Spain; where he played at jam sessions and let the different styles of music influence him. “Andalusia is mostly flamenco, and it’s harder to find rock or jazz, whereas in Barcelona, it’s a more jazz, neo-soul, and international music scene, and Madrid has both international and local influences,” he told me. Traveling around Spain and playing music, he absorbed some of those acoustic jazz, soul, and flamenco influences.

Kai was already a dedicated cyclist and triathlete when he moved from Chicago to Cantabria, so he joined a local cycling club. “Northern Spain has some of the best routes in Europe. It would be very hard to leave this and go back to Chicago,” he told me.

If you’re not quite sure what your thing is, you can use apps like Meetup to find activities, expand your interests, and try new things. In the past few months, I’ve attended a nude drawing class, fallen off a paddle board (numerous times), and sparred with a German girl twice my size in a misbegotten attempt to learn kickboxing. Whatever you’re looking for, you can likely find it.

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Making the most of your free time

Slow down, share moments, take it step by step, have fun.

The best advice I received when moving to Spain was to enjoy my new life. When I asked other Americans why they moved to Spain, their answers were remarkably similar; more balance, better quality of life, greater social support, the weather, and that European lifestyle so many of us grew up dreaming about.

In their free time, Americans are doing all sorts of things; but the key is, they have time to do them. George walks his two daughters to the beach every day after school. Anna plays volleyball after work, and Simon has culture Saturdays (30 minutes at a gallery and then hours drinking on a terrace). I mostly write in bars, meander around Barcelona’s nooks and corners, and share meals with friends.

Sentados a la mesa; sat around the table, is a very typical way to spend free time in Spain and enjoy the moment.