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Wet the doughnut: Ten hilarious Spanish expressions to refer to sex 

When it comes to matters of a sexual nature, the Spanish language is every bit as creative as you’d imagine.

Wet the doughnut: Ten hilarious Spanish expressions to refer to sex 
Expect to hear plenty of Spanish sex innuendos in the 1992 semi-erotic drama film 'Jamón, Jamón', starring a young Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz (left). Photo: Lola Films

While rustic themes get a surprising amount of coverage — trip to the vegetable garden, anyone? — some of these Spanish phrases for hanky panky are downright weird.

TO KICK UP DUST: ECHAR UN POLVO

If you want to get down and dirty with someone, then it could well be time to ‘echar un polvo’, or have a good old-fashioned shag as Austin Powers would say. Saddle up folks.

Photo: Andrew Foster/Pexels

TO GO ON THE ICE CREAM CONE DIET: LA DIETA DEL CUCURUCHO

 ‘La dieta del cucurucho’, as it is called in Spanish, is usually followed by the words ‘comer poco, follar mucho’ (Eat little, have plenty of sex). Whether eating wafer biscuits while engaging in tantric sex is scientifically proven to help weight loss we don’t know, but this funny rhyming expression is used a lot by Spaniards when joking about an effective way of dieting.

Photo: Steve Buissinne/Pixabay

TO THROW THE JUNK AT SOMEONE: TIRARLE LOS TRASTOS A ALGUIEN

It might sound a tad aggressive but ‘tirar los trastos a alguien’ actually means to flirt with someone in colloquial Spanish. Where the reference to chucking old furniture at someone you like comes from, we don’t know.

Photo: Noam Galai/Getty Images for WarnerMedia Company/AFP

TO SHOW SOMEONE WHERE CUENCA IS: PONER A ALGUIEN MIRANDO A CUENCA

This quintessentially Spanish expression refers to having sex with someone ‘doggy style’. Some sources say King Philip The Handsome of Spain (1478-1506) had an observatory built for him to look out at cities surrounding Madrid on the horizon. It also doubled up as a love nest where he could keep his affairs hidden away from his wife Juana The Mad. As he escorted one young lady up the tower, he reportedly told guards “la voy a poner mirando a Cuenca”.

Others disregard this claim and say instead that the ‘mirando a Cuenca’ expression has its origins in the Spanish city’s Muslim past, and how those praying to Mecca (on their knees) in Madrid would position their bodies to the east, looking towards Cuenca. 

Photo: José Jordan/AFP

TO WET THE DOUGHNUT: MOJAR EL CHURRO

Yes, churros: those long, thick doughnut sticks Spaniards and foreigners alike love to dunk in chocolate and put in their mouths. Like most stick-shaped food, churros are euphemistically used to describe a man’s Johnson.  ‘Mojar el churro’ means to have sex.

Photo: Sami Keinänen/Flickr

TO TAKE SOMEONE TO THE VEGETABLE GARDEN: LLEVAR A ALGUIEN AL HUERTO

It may sound similar to taking a roll in the hay as the saying goes, but ‘llevar a alguien al huerto’ more specifically means to convince someone to have sex with you. 

Photo: Candid Shots/Pixabay

TO MAKE ONESELF A STRAW : HACERSE UNA PAJA

Despite what you might think, ‘hacerse una paja’ doesn’t have anything to do with building a straw house. Instead this is one of the most common slang expressions for masturbation.

Photo: Vlad Chețan/Pexels

TO RUB THE SPRING ONION: FROTAR LA CEBOLLETA

No brownie points for guessing what the veg is meant to represent. ‘Frotar (or) arrimar la cebolleta’ is an expression used to describe close physical contact between two people, kind of like dry humping.

Photo: Iakovos Hatzistavrou / AFP

TO CHUCK A HELMET: ECHAR UN CASQUETE

A variant of ‘to kick up dust’, to ‘echar un casquete’ means something along the lines of having a quickie. Suffice to say it’s not the most romantic expression for sex ever, in Spanish or in any other language. 

Photo: István Péter Kis/Pixabay

TO PLAY THE ‘ZAMBOMBA’ DRUM: DARLE A LA ZAMBOMBA

Once you witness someone playing this bizarre friction drum that’s used a lot in local festivals and at Christmas in Spain, it isn’t hard to understand why some people use is as expression for the act of self-pleasuring.

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SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY

Spanish Word of the Day: ‘Chiringuito’

Here’s one of the most summer-themed Spanish words out there, so you need to add it to your vocab. 

Spanish Word of the Day: 'Chiringuito'

When Spaniards think of summer, they often picture vacaciones (holidays), sol y playa (sun and beach) and tinto de verano (red wine mixed with soda/lemonade and ice – don’t diss it until you’ve tried it). 

And the place where they’re most likely to enjoy all these placeres del verano (summer pleasures) is at a chiringuito

Un chiringuito is essentially a beach bar. 

They’re usually small establishments that serve drinks and food to beachgoers during the sweltering summer months, meaning that many don’t open for the rest of the year. 

You’ll get the more rough and ready ones, wooden huts with dried out palm leaves providing shade as the radio blasts los éxitos del verano (the summer hits), to the more refined chiringuitos that are essentially like upmarket beachside gastrobars serving up plates of sardines as if they were haute cuisine. 

The word chiringuito (pronounced chee-reeng-gee-toh, the u in silent) was brought to Spain by los Indianos, the name given to Spaniards who emigrated to South and Central America in the 19th and 20th centuries and then returned to Spain, often with a lot more money under their belt. 

They would order a chiringuito when they wanted un café, a word used by Cubans who worked on sugar plantations to refer to how the coffee they made would filter through a stocking squirted out like a stream (chorro or chiringo).

The first beach kiosk to be dubbed a chiringuito was in 1949 in the coastal Catalan town of Sitges, where many wealthy Indianos settled. 

Then came the hippie movement in the sixties, the explosion of tourism in Spain and the hoards of beachgoers needing refreshing drinks to get some respite from the sun.

In 1983, chiringuito made it into the Spanish dictionary and in 1988 French pop singer Georgie Dann hit the charts with El Chiringuito.

These simple wooden beach huts were now officially part of Spanish culture.

But chiringuito has another meaning in Spain which pays heed to the informal nature of these establishments. 

Nowadays, chiringuito is often used to refer to a shady business, a government department born from cronyism, a bunch of cowboys basically.

Headline in Spanish right-wing news website OK Diario reads “Sánchez increased shady public enterprises (chiringuitos) by 10 percent as GDP plummeted due to the coronavirus”.

We certainly know what kind of chiringuito we prefer.

There’s also the expression “cerrar el chiringuito”, which means to finish a duty and leave.

Examples:

Vamos a tomar unas cañas y un pescaito al chiringuito.

Let’s go and have some beers and some fish at the beach bar. 

Si quieres mantener tus inversiones a salvo has de alejarte todo lo lejos que puedas de lo que se conoce como chiringuito financiero.

If you want to keep your investments safe you have to get away as far as you can from shady companies.

Ya es tarde, habrá que pensar en cerrar el chiringuito e irse a casa.

It’s late, time to finish work and go home.

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